And This Is When
by KayLyn666
Summary: Lily Scott was as strong as her mother, as stubborn as her brother, and as kind as her father. But life hasn't been kind to her. When her mother dies, she's faced with the realization that now, she only had her brother to hold onto. But when she starts High School, two years after her mother's death, she's forced to come to terms with what is.
1. First Days

"_And in that moment he realized it's not what you are or who you are, but who they allow you to be." – Lucas Scott "An Unkindness of Ravens"_

"Lily! Come on, you're going to be late!" my sister-in-law, Peyton called from downstairs. I groaned and threw my hair up into a messy bun, slipped on my pair of worn out jeans, matched with my old, ratty military style jacket. I was grateful for a cool day. I wanted to hide under my jacket and never have to face the uncertainty the next four years would bring.

"I'll be down in a minute, Peyton!" I called, grabbing my bag off my bedroom floor. My eyes scanned the room, looking for that once piece of something that would ease my nerves. My eyes fell on the photograph that I still held close to my heart. It was an old photo of my mother and father. I smiled as I kissed the tips of my fingers before placing them to the photo.

"I love and miss you both so much," I whispered.

The familiar sound of claws on carpet made me look up. Raven, my best friend and two year old golden retriever stared up at me with eager eyes. She'd been a gift from Lucas after mom died.

"Be good today, Raven," I told the dog. She wagged her tail before letting out a single bark. I smiled at her, then headed out into the hallway. I could hear my nephew, Keith, wailing loudly from his nursery. I quickly set my bag down before rushing into the room, scooping the little blonde haired child up in my arms.

"Hey, little man, what's wrong?" I cooed, rocking the baby in my arms. "Did your mommy forget to get you dressed today, huh?" I planted a kiss on his forehead before changing him into something more suitable. "There, all better, right?" I said, shifting him so he was resting on my hip while I picked up my bag with my other arm.

"Lily, Lily!" Sawyer, my 8 year old niece called from her bedroom.

"What's up, hun?" I called. Peyton was right; I was going to be late. But these kids were my world.

"Can you braid my hair like grandma used to?" she chirped. My smile fell as I remembered how my mother used to braid Sawyer's blonde, curly hair.

"Sure," I said as I carried little Keith into his big sister's room. I sat him on the bed before kneeling next to Sawyer.

"Can you take me to school today?" she asked eagerly, her blue eyes shining.

"Your mom's going to take you today, but I'll be babysitting you guys tonight," I laughed. "The adults need a night off, so I've got you, the twins, your brother, Lydia and Mikey," I explained.

"Mommy's letting you watch all of us?" she said eagerly.

"Uh-huh. S'long as no one breaks any of her records," I chuckled. "Brooke's dropping Jude and Davis off after school. Nate's bringing over Lydia and Mikey right before dinner. I'm not sure if Jamie's going to come along or not," I said.

"What about the concert? I thought you wanted to see Papa Roach tonight?" she asked, her eyes widening. It wasn't every day that Papa Roach, my favorite band, came to Tree Hill, much less Tric, which Peyton was truly thrilled about, but someone had to watch the kids.

"I do, but I'd rather spend my night with my favorite bunch of rugrats," I teased.

"I still can't thank you enough for babysitting tonight," Lucas said as he walked into the room. I smiled up at my big brother.

"Really, Luke, it's no problem," I promised. "As long as Mel keeps her promise and gets me a picture or two, I'll be happy."

"I won't forget," my best friend chirped from behind Lucas. I smiled and tied the last band into Sawyer's hair before scooping up Keith.

"C'mon, I'm gonna keep little man then we can get to school," I said to my friend. She smiled at me brightly, her mini skirt and tank top matching her dark brown eyes perfectly.

"Sounds like a plan. How is it? Playing nanny all the time?" she teased as we headed down stairs.

"You know it's not like that," I sighed, setting Keith in the high chair. "I love these guys. After my mom died, it was really rough, you know? Andy's great and all, but he's not my dad. I needed to be with my family. And it's great, being a part of the kids' lives. They're all I've got left anymore."

"That's not true, and you know it!" she laughed. "You've got friends and a huge extended family. You could find happiness anywhere, Lily Roe Scott!"

"I probably could," I agreed. "But I haven't. Like mom always said, there's only one Tree Hill."

"True that!" Mel agreed. "So, who's taking us to school? You're kick ass sister-in-law or your smoking hot brother?"

"Ew, Luke's old enough to be our dad!" I snorted. "Besides, I was thinking we could walk. It's not that far."

"We're already late for first period," Mel reminded me. "Seriously, what a way to start freshman year!"

"Gotta start in style!" I laughed. I carefully fed Keith, which resulted in him throwing milk at me half way through.

"Really, Keith? Throwing food?" I teased the toddler. He smiled at me, flashing that adorable look that could melt anyone's heart.

"Go clean up, I've got this," Peyton laughed as she came back into the kitchen. "Seriously, Lily, you can't use the kids as an excuse to be late every day!"

"I can try!" I laughed as I ran upstairs to change into a clean shirt. I changed quickly and ran back downstairs, where Mel was waiting for me, a look of annoyance on her face.

"Are you finally ready?" she asked.

"Yeah," I laughed. Then it hit me. This was supposed to be a big deal. This was supposed to be the biggest day of my life this far. And I was entering the world of high school, drama, sex and parties without my mother's gentle guidance. "Actually, you go on ahead. I need to make a pit stop."

"What could possibly be more important than the first day of high school, Lily?" she asked dramatically.

"I need to see my dad."

The words fell on deaf ears. Mel didn't understand what it was like. She had two loving, caring parents at home, wishing her well every day. I didn't. Sure, I had my older brother and I had my friends and family, but I didn't have my parents. I didn't have my dad, hell, I didn't even know him. And I didn't have my mom anymore either. My mom used to spend the week before school started helping me pick out clothes and telling me all about what it was like when she was my age. And then, in the blink of an eye, she was gone. She was no longer braiding Sawyer's hair or telling me stories about her past or letting me sit next to her as she put photos in the albums that had long since been filled.

My parents were dead, and for the first time, it really, really hit me.

* * *

Tree Hill Cemetery had always been one of the few places I could really find inspiration. Maybe it was because so many people I should have known were buried there, or maybe because it was the one place no one would bother me, even though they knew that's where I'd be.

I knew the way to my father's grave as if it were etched in my brain. I passed my uncle's along the way. Dan Scott. The man that took my father from me before I was even born. I spit on his grave before kneeling down in front of my father's grave.

"Daddy," I whispered, laying a hand on his tombstone. "I wish you and mom were here," I whispered, tears falling from my eyes. "It's not fair. I look around and everyone else has their parents. Everyone else has a normal family, and I don't and it sucks!"

I glanced at the stone next to his. One I actively tried to ignore. It was my mother's headstone. And it broke my heart just knowing it was there.

"Ever since mom died…it's like I can't breathe," I tried to get a grip, but I couldn't. I knew I was late for school, on the most important day, but I didn't care. All I cared about was being close to the people who mattered most.

"I wish you could be here to tell me it's going to be okay," I kissed the tips of my fingers before moving to the grave next to his. "Mom," was all I could say before the uncontrollable sobs took over, wracking my body like they always did when I thought of my mother. "God, it's not fair," I moaned. My mother had been the most important person in my life, ever since I could remember. It wasn't fair that one, stupid mistake by another man took her from me in the blink of an eye. One moment she was on her way home from work, the next, she was dead on the side of the road, her car completely totaled.

"I love you," I whispered, choking on the tears that fell from my eyes. I struggled to breathe. I felt my heart skip in my chest. It was the worst feeling in the world.

"There you are," the gentle, familiar voice of my brother called across the cemetery. I looked up to see him crossing the short distance, at my side before I could say anything. "Mel said you didn't get to school yet."

"Of course she did," I whispered, the tears still rolling down my cheeks.

"You can't keep missing school, Lily, you barely passed last year," he said as kindly as he could.

"I don't even care, Luke," I whispered. "I miss mom."

"I miss her too, Lily, but you know she wouldn't want you wasting your energy crying over her," he said softly. "Mom loved you more than you'll ever know. She would want you to be the strong, independent woman she raised you to be."

"I know," I nodded, trying my hardest to fight the tears. "But it's so freaking hard," I added.

"I know," he said. He pulled me into his arms, his warmth providing a little sense of relief. This was my life now. This was who I was. Who we were. "Trust me, I know."

We stayed like that for a while longer, before Lucas finally told me if I didn't go to school, he'd be forced to ground me. I didn't believe him for a minute, but I played along, for his sake. Ever since mom died, he'd tried his hardest with me. With one last look at our parents, we slowly made our way back to the Comet.

"Remember, little sis, life's not easy, but you don't have to do it alone."

His words made me smile, despite the ache in my heart. I realized, for the millionth time, that I was blessed with the world's greatest brother. He always knew what to say to make everything better. I just wished our mom could be there to see what a great man he had grown into. I knew, without a doubt, that she would have been proud.

By the time we reached the school, it was well into the end of 4th period. I sighed as I climbed out of the car, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"I'll see you later," Lucas said as he watched me walk up the steps of his old high school. I didn't hesitate like I thought I would. No, I went right in, with my head held high. Just like mom would have wanted.

* * *

**A/n - Just another little short story. :) Let me know what you think. :)**


	2. Little Pieces from the Past

"Jesus, Lily," Mel complained as I lapped her in the gym for the third time. "Slow down so we can talk, would ya?"

"We'll talk later," I called over my shoulder as I picked up the pace. I wanted to join the track team and I knew gym was the best class to spend running. I'd rather be running than playing football with the guys anyway. Or cheering with the girls. I hated cheerleaders.

"I can't believe you came in halfway through the day," Mel complained as I finally slowed down, walking beside her. My heart raced in my chest. I knew I'd gotten lucky. Unlike my older brother, my heart was fine. Or at least, so far it was.

"Yeah well, if you hadn't sent Luke, I'd probably still be sitting there," I sighed. "I miss my folks, you know?"

"I know. Hey, tell you what, after you're done babysitting, why don't you come over and we can watch movies?" she suggested.

"I don't know. Keith's going through a clingy phase, I don't want to be away from him at night," I said carefully. In reality, Keith was like my safety net. Ever since mom died, I clung to that little boy like he was the most important person in the world. To me he was.

"Yeah well, he's got two loving parents to snuggle with. Come on, you need a girls night out," she begged.

"Maybe. I'm supposed to watch the twins till ten. Anyway, you've got the concert tonight," I reminded her.

"I know, but it won't be any fun without you," she sighed. "I can't believe you offered to babysit."

"I owe it to Peyton and Lucas," I said carefully. "They've done so much for me since my mom died."

"I know, but come on, you're not a nanny. Hell, you're barely 15," she chided. "You deserve some time to have fun."

"Fun really isn't my cup of tea these days," I admitted.

"You've been so glum since graduation. Come on, we're young, we're hot and we're single. We should be enjoying ourselves," Mel said, waving her hands dramatically. "Did I tell you I was trying out for cheerleading this year?"

"Ew, really Mel? Why?"

"Because a certain hottie is a basketball player," she said, a doofy, girly smile crossing her lips. I knew she was referring to Jamie. Ever since I could remember, she'd had a crush on my nephew, Jamie. It was weird, since Jamie and I were the same age. It felt weird calling him my nephew. But we were best friends none the less. Jamie was my rock, kind of like how Lucas was Haley's rock. It was just meant to be.

"Seriously, Lily, you can't just let these next four years go by without having any fun! Didn't you watch _Ravens_? Your brother and all his friends had loads of fun in high school!" she squealed. "We should be having as much fun as they did!"

I ignored my best friend as I left the gym right as the warning bell began to toll. I walked down the halls, doing my best to avoid the one hallway I swore I'd avoid at all costs. But it didn't matter. I had to run down that hall to get to my last class, a study hall I didn't even want to be in.

"Is that my favorite Scott sibling I see?" my boyfriend, Blake Taylor, called. I turned, fighting back tears. "Whoa, what's wrong little L?" he asked, pulling me into his arms.

"I thought I could do this," I whispered into his chest. "I thought I could handle this. But I can't."

"C'mon, let's ditch this place. We'll go chill at Tric. Chase won't rat us out," he said quickly, knowing exactly what I was referring to. "Besides, we have the same study hall. We'll play hooky every day if that's what you need."

Blake was my everything. We'd been dating since 6th grade, much to my brother's disdain. But Lucas even admitted that Blake was good for me. The boy with golden eyes. His hazel eyes could change my mood as quickly as the smile he wore on a daily basis. Unlike most of the guys I fell for, Blake wasn't your typical athlete looking for nothing but sex and a good time. Blake was different. He was sincere, and sweet, and everything my mom would have wanted me to have.

We left Tree Hill High in silence, filing into his brother's car. Blake was a year older than me and had gotten his license over the summer. Lucas hated me being in the car with him, especially after what happened with our mother, but there was nothing he could do to stop me. I loved Blake, and I honestly couldn't face walking down the hallway my father was killed in. Not yet.

That was why our mother didn't want me going to school here. We'd moved back to Tree Hill when I was in 4th grade, because Nathan and Haley needed us, but as I entered middle school, mom always used to say that I didn't have to go to Tree Hill High if I didn't want to. She knew it'd be hard, first of all, living in my brother's shadow, but secondly, facing the reality that my father, the one person I'd give anything to meet and know, was shot in the same hallway I would eventually have to walk down. That, in and of itself, was more than I was ready to deal with.

Once we were at Tric, I was ecstatic to see the flyers for the night's concert hanging up. It wasn't everyday Papa Roach played in our small town, and it was definitely a night to remember. I couldn't help but wish I wasn't babysitting.

"Want me to come over tonight?" Blake asked as we sat at the bar. Chase shot me a look but didn't say anything. Deep down, I was certain Peyton had already warned him that we'd probably end up there before the school day ended. "I can help you with the rugrats. I don't mind."

"No way," I sighed, shaking my head. "First of all, there's no way Lucas would let you over with no one to _supervise_ us," I snorted. "And there's no way I'm letting you miss this concert. Papa Roach is as much your favorite band as it is mine. I've seen them already. You haven't," I went on. "Besides, someone needs to make sure Mel doesn't do anything stupid."

"What about afterwards? Think Luke would let me crash at your place? We could spend the whole weekend together?" he asked.

"Haley's got some family thing for Saturday," I sighed with a shake of my head. "I doubt Luke would let me skip out on another family get together. I skipped all of them this summer, remember?"

"It was a rough summer, Lil," he reminded me. "It's been a tough two years."

"You ain't kidding," I sighed, looking down at my feet. My knee ached. It always ached. So did my back. Blake seemed to sense my tension. He reached across the small space and gently started rubbing my shoulders.

"Sore?" he asked me softly.

"Yeah," I admitted.

"Maybe it's still too soon," he said gently. "You know, consider what the doctor said…"

"When the doctors told Luke he couldn't play basketball, he played anyway. When the doctors told Nate he'd never walk again, he proved them wrong," I reminded him, anger bubbling in my chest.

"I didn't mean it like that," he said calmly, used to my outbursts when the topic arouse. "It's just, the accident was only two years ago. The doctors said it would be years before you were back to where you were before."

"It's been years," I reminded him. "If I don't run this year, I'm missing out on a chance at getting a track scholarship."

"But if you do run, you're risking everything, Lil. What if something happens?" he said, his tone gentle.

"Then it happens," I said shortly. "I'm not going to let this stupid accident keep me from doing what I love. It's bad enough that it took my mother. It took my leg. It took everything else away from me!" I spat, getting off the stool. I stalked into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I leaned against the old, hardwood door, lifting the leg of my pants, revealing the prosthetic right leg. It wasn't my right leg that hurt. My left knee ached every time I ran, thanks to the screws in it. The metal rod that kept my bones aligned. The stupid accident ruined my life in so many ways.

* * *

_Two years prior_

"Lily," Lucas tried to reason as I looked down at my missing leg. "There was nothing they could do…"

"Shut up," I hissed as tears welled in my eyes. My left leg was wrapped in a heavy, white cast. Peyton promised to draw on it as soon as we were out of the hospital. My hand went to where my right leg used to be.

"Lil," he tried again. He was tired. He was sad. He was so far from okay, it wasn't even funny, yet here he was, trying to comfort me anyway. Just like he always did when something was wrong.

"Is mom okay?" I asked, looking up at him with fearful, sad eyes. His eyes told me what I needed to know.

"Lily…" his voice hitched. I knew. That was when I knew that our mother was dead.

"She's dead, isn't she?" I asked, tears welling in my eyes. "Just like dad."

He didn't say anything. He sat beside me on the bed, pulling me in for a hug. I sobbed into his chest, my entire body aching.

"How's your heart, big brother?" I asked him, my eyes locking with his.

"Broken," he said simply. I nodded before leaning my head on his chest. Together, in the ugly, whitewashed room, we mourned the loss of our mother.

The weeks following the accident flew by in a blur. After three months, I was finally released from the hospital. I had two screws in my knee, a metal rod holding the bone in my lower leg together, three pins in my back, along with a metal plate holding two of my vertebra together in my lower back. I used to do gymnastics. I used to be really good at it too. But after the accident, I was lucky if I could bend to tie my shoe, much less twist and turn like I used to. Along with all that, I was without the bottom half of my right leg. After months of healing, I was fitted for a prosthetic, then another year and a half of therapy before I could finally walk without crutches. It was a long, painful transition, but somehow, we all managed to get through it.

* * *

"C'mon, Lily, open the door," Blake pleaded. I was crying my eyes out, memories of that fateful night burning in my mind. The bright, glaring headlights. My mother's frantic cry. The pain. The sheering, crunching pain of the car flipping over. Then, the red hot pain of the metal cutting into my leg.

"Go away Blake!" I managed to shout, tears choking me.

"Lillian Roe, open this door this instant," a new voice called. I groaned to myself, turning just enough to unlock the door. I leaned against the far wall, waiting for the owner of the voice to come barging in.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his expression softening the moment he saw me. I looked up at the tall, blonde haired man, tears falling from my eyes.

"Lucas, it hurts," I whispered, sinking to the floor, my real leg outstretched. "It hurts again."

Before I could react, Lucas was at my side, his hand gently massaging the pain from my leg. I wanted to yell at him, to tell him it wasn't his responsibility to make me feel better. But at the same time, his strong, gentle hands were working the pain from my aching, tense muscles. He knew it wasn't often anymore that my leg had me in tears. He knew there was more to my tears than just the pain. But he wasn't going to say it. He was good like that. He knew what to say and when to say it. That was why we were able to get along so well, despite the 17 year gap between us.

"Are you going to be okay, Lily?" he asked me, his tone as gentle as ever.

"Yeah," I lied. "I'm fine. I'm always fine, remember?"

"That's right," he nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. "My little sister is a kick ass young woman. You're going to be just fine."

I allowed him to pull me in for a hug. I cried onto his shoulder like I had so many times in the past. Behind him, I saw Peyton standing with her hands on Blake's shoulder, a knowing look on her face. Over the years, Peyton had become like an older sister to me, more recently, she had taken on the role of being a mother to me. Deep down, I was grateful. For her and Luke, for Haley and Nathan, for Mel and Skills and Mouth. But most of all, I was grateful for Jamie and Blake. Jamie was my rock, my go to guy for anything. And Blake was the love of my life. He was my better half. Through everything, he was the one person who never gave up on me.

No. My mom never gave up on me either.


	3. My World and all it's Glory

"Why did we agree to watch six little kids again?" Jamie laughed as we flopped onto the couch after the fifty-millionth game of high and seek.

"Because we're awesome," I laughed. "Seriously, I forgot how much energy these kids had when they're all together." I glanced down at the playpen where Mikey and Keith were playing. The two toddlers loved each other's company.

"At least Sawyer managed to get Lydia, Jude and Davis calmed down," Jamie laughed. "How are you? I missed you in English today."

"You mean aside from tired and sore?" I laughed. "I'm okay, what about you? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

"I know. This summer was crazy. Mom has a new record coming out soon," he said brightly. I smiled, already aware of the album. Peyton was producing it, after all.

"I know, I can't wait to hear it," I nodded. "Are you going out for basketball this year?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.

"Uh-huh. Do you really have to ask?" he laughed. "Going out for Track still?"

"Maybe," I said softly. "I don't know. I ran today, and it's not as easy as I hoped, you know?"

"Hey, look at me, Lily, you can do anything you set your mind to, never forget that, okay?" he said softly, placing his hand on my shoulder. "You're a Scott, and Scotts don't give up."

"Thanks Jamie," I said sincerely. Like I said, Jamie always knew how to cheer me up.

"So, what time did Brooke say she was getting the twins?" he laughed.

"Eventually," I chuckled. "I think she needed a break. Peyton promised to send Luke over as soon as the show was over though, so we won't be stuck trying to get everyone to sleep."

"Thank god," he sighed with relief. "I can't imagine trying to get four kids to bed on time!"

"It's not as hard as you think," I said, motioning for him to follow me. I led the way upstairs, where we found all four of the kids sprawled out on my bed, fast asleep. "See?"

"If only they were always this easy!" he laughed. "What are they doing in here anyway?"

"Sawyer sometimes comes in here to think. Since Luke put in the window seat that overlooked the yard, she's had a thing for my room ever since," I explained. "I don't mind, really. Seeing how it used to be Peyton's art studio, it's the least I could do."

"Speaking of that," Jamie said, shifting awkwardly. "Can I ask you something without you getting mad?"

"Of course, Jamie," I nodded.

"What's it like? Not having your mom around anymore?" he asked softly. I looked at the floor, not entirely sure how to answer. I motioned for him to follow me, and soon we found ourselves in the room Lucas and Peyton shared.

I pulled the old photo album out of the closet, along with the little journal that was left behind by my mother.

"When my mom died, Lucas and Peyton went back to the house in Florida and picked these up for me," I explained. "Andy sent the rest of mom's photos and stuff up the next month," I went on. I pulled the old guitar case out of the closet, flipping the clasps open before taking a deep breath. I used to look at the old photos on a daily basis, but it'd been months. I pushed the lid open, showing the hundreds of photographs, ranging from the time Lucas was a little kid, right up to the year of my mother's death.

"Wow," Jamie said, pulling out the piles of photos carefully. "Your mom had a picture from everything, didn't she?"

"She loved scrapbooking," I smiled. "She'd spend hours putting pictures in just the right places." I pulled out the blue and black scrapbook with a big 'R' on it. "These are from when Nathan and Lucas were in high school," I smiled. I opened the book, showing him the countless photos from the games, from prom, from graduation.

"Can you believe we're Ravens now?" Jamie said, a smile crossing his face. I smiled back at him, as excited as he was.

"Well, you are," I said slyly. "I'm still just a normal Tree Hill student."

"You're anything but normal," Jamie joked, earning him a playful swat.

"It's sad though," I sighed, leaning back on my brother's bed. "I wish my dad was here to see us now."

"You can borrow mine," Jamie offered kindly. I threw a look at him before laughing whole heartedly.

"You know, it's still crazy to think my brother is the same age as your dad," I laughed. "It's like some twisted little world we live in."

"I know," Jamie agreed, lying down beside me. "You know, Lydia adores you."

"I know. Sawyer does too. I think I get the best aunt in the world award this year," I laughed.

"Yeah, you do," he laughed. "Do you ever think of having kids?"

"Jesus, Jamie, I'm only 15," I laughed.

"I know, but do you?" he asked, his tone serious.

"One day, I hope to," I admitted. "What about you?"

"I haven't even had a girlfriend yet," he laughed. "But yeah. Someday. Do you think we'll be as good of parents as our own?"

I didn't respond right away. I was watching the fan do it's rotations on the ceiling, pondering my best friend's words.

"One day, I hope to be half the woman my mother was," I said sadly. I rolled over onto my stomach, looking Jamie in the eye.

"You know, I can barely remember what her voice sounded like?" I said, tears welling in my eyes.

"Hey, no crying," he said softly, wiping the tears from my eyes. "Lily Roe Scott is too pretty to cry," he said softly.

"Thanks, Jamie," I whispered.

"Don't mention it," he said with a smile. "C'mon, Luke should be home any minute."

Together, after checking in on the sleeping children, we filed downstairs, thrilled to find Mikey and Keith fast asleep in the playpen, seeing how we'd forgotten about them while we were upstairs.

"It's a good thing those two are good kids," Jamie chuckled, scooping his baby brother into his arms.

"Right?" I laughed, picking Keith up. "You know, I look at this little boy and see my dad in him in so many ways," I sighed, rocking the toddler in my arms.

"Really?" Jamie asked, his eyes shining in the dim light.

"Yeah. He's going to be an amazing young man someday," I smiled down at my nephew. "As good as the man he was named after."

We settled in on the couch, the toddlers spread across our laps as we turned on a movie and waited for the adults to return. It wasn't until well after midnight that I heard the familiar roar of the comet pulling into the drive way. Jamie had fallen asleep next to me, Mikey slumped over on his chest. Keith was fast asleep in my arms, his tiny hands gripping at the front of my shirt. I stood up carefully, my body aching from the long day I'd just had. For once, I was grateful it was the weekend, just because it meant I could sleep in. Unless Peyton forced me to go down to Tric and help her sort through the mountain of unplayed records she'd yet to listen to.

I tried not to limp as I opened the door for Peyton, who had her arms full of bags. I didn't question her as she hurried into the kitchen. Lucas gave me a knowing look before glancing at the couch.

"Why are you still up?" he asked me, giving me a sideways smile.

"Because I kind of let the kids take my bed," I laughed. "And Jamie's got the couch. So I figured I'd wait till everyone got back before blowing up the air mattresses."

"Planning a sleep over?" he teased.

"Why not? We haven't had one since before…." I cut myself off. "Was Blake at Tric?"

"He's on his way over with Mel now," he nodded. "I suppose it's okay if everyone crashes here," he added. "We'll let Nathan and Haley take the far bedroom and Brooke and Julian can have the spare room," he suggested.

"And I'll pull out the fold away and the air mattresses," I nodded. "Jamie and Mikey are kind of comfy on the couch," I motioned over to the pair. "But you know how Mikey is. I'll bring out the old fold away crib."

"Sounds like you've got this all figured out," he laughed.

"I need to be around family right now," I said truthfully. "Besides, you know how Haley and Brooke are on Saturday mornings. Big breakfasts and lounging around till noon."

"Good point," he nodded. "Want me to take Keith for a while? You look exhausted."

"Naw, I've got him," I said, pulling the child closer to my chest. "Besides, you remember what the doctor said. I need to get back into lifting a little extra weight if I want to be able to run the 1600metre this year," I reminded him.

"And if you can't, that's not the end of the world either," he said softly.

"Coming from the man that refused to give up basketball just because of a heart condition," I scoffed. "I'm going to try, Lucas, even if it kills me."

He nodded knowingly and left me to set up for the night ahead. Once the fold away crib was set up, I finally let Keith go to sleep in his own bed before moving Mikey into the crib, smiling as the little boy reached for me in his sleep.

"Sleep tight, monkey man," I chuckled, kissing his tiny hand. He cooed in his sleep before lulling back into a deep, blissful slumber. I smiled as I carefully walked up the stairs, leaning heavily on the railing.

"You okay, Lil?" Blake's voice chimed. I turned back to see him standing at the base of the stairs.

"Yeah," I nodded, though my tone gave him enough to know that I wasn't.

"How bad does it hurt tonight?" he asked, hurrying up the stairs to wrap his arm around my waist.

"If I lie and say it doesn't hurt at all, would you believe me?" I teased.

"Not for a second," he said, his tone serious. "Really, Lily, how bad does it hurt?"

"Eight," I said, forcing myself to reach the top of the stairs. "Would you hate me if I took off my…you know…" I looked at him with pleading eyes. It was rare for me to take off my prosthetic when other people were around, especially Blake, but that night, I leg hurt way too much. I knew the second I was up on crutches, the pain would reside enough to finish the night.

"Lily, how many times do I have to tell you, that I love you for you, not your leg," he said softly. He planted a kiss on my forehead before leading me into the bathroom. I flipped on the light and nodded to the linen closet across the hall.

"I need the other ones tonight," I explained. I had three sets of crutches. One in my bedroom, one in the linen closet and one in Lucas's car. My forearm crutches were only ever used when I needed to give my legs and back a break. I'd used them all the time in the early months but had since stopped, only to bring them out when I really needed them.

"Maybe you shouldn't have been carrying Keith around so much," Blake said. Normally, a statement like that would have annoyed me, but that night was different.

"It's from running," I sighed sadly. "The doctor said it'd hurt."

"I know," he said, returning with the crutches. "Do you want me to turn away or leave or…?"

"Stay," I whispered. "Please."

He nodded and leaned against the wall as I unbuttoned my pants. I wasn't afraid of my brother finding out – he knew Blake and I weren't your typical couple. I pulled my jeans off, revealing the hard, plastic leg. I took a deep breath. Blake had only seen the fake leg a number of times. With the exception to the one I wore when I wore skirts or shorts. This leg, this ugly, horrible leg, wasn't the one I wanted him to see. I struggled with the strap, my hands shaking as I tried to loosen the nylon.

"Can I…?" he said carefully. I looked up at him, my heart racing in my chest. I nodded once and allowed him to unstrap my leg, carefully moving it away from my stump. As soon as the leg was off, I quickly pulled my sweatpants off the back of the toilet seat and pulled them on, tying the right leg up so it wouldn't drag. I reached for the crutches, securing them to my forearms before allowing Blake to help me to my feet. Or foot, I guess.

"Better?" he asked as I leaned on the crutches, rolling my shoulders to get used to the shift of my weight.

"Yeah," I nodded. "You could say that."

He nodded and helped me down the stairs, but first, we stopped to check on the kids. They were sprawled across my bed, their little bodies tangled around one another's. It brought a sad smile to my face as I watched them sleep.

"Someday," Blake said softly, leaning so he was right in my ear. "We'll be watching our kids sleep like this."

I smiled up at him, kissing him softly before turning to head down the hall.

"Hopefully," I whispered to myself. "Hopefully it works out like that."


	4. Girls Are Mean

"Urgh, Jamie, slow down!" I called as I struggled to catch up with him. Leave it to me to get an F on the first math test of the year. And leave it to Jamie to catch wind of it and take on the role of Mr. Basketball player slash tutor.

"C'mon Lily, I only have ten minutes before practice!" Jamie teased, turning around before slowing his pace. "Unless you want to explain to the coach why I'm late for practice."

"Use the "my aunt slash cousin, slash best friend has a fake leg. She can't keep up like the rest of us" line," I joked.

"How are you able to talk about it so lightly?" he asked me, his expression softening.

"Because. It's who I am. I'm Lillian Roe Scott. Daughter of the dearly departed Karen Roe and Keith Scott. Half-sister to the New York Times bestselling author, Lucas Eugene Scott. Aunt to the up and coming lead scorer for the Tree Hill Ravens, James Lucas Scott, the sweet, beautiful little Lydia Bob Scott, Mikey Davis Scott, Keith Alan Scott Jr, and Sawyer Brooke Scott. Need me to go on?" I laughed. "My parents are dead, Jamie. The sooner I come to terms with that, the better. And I'm short a leg. So what?"

"Lily Roe, I swear, you impress me each and every day," Jamie laughed. "C'mon, what's the answer to this question?"

I scrunched my nose and stuck out my tongue. "Something that doesn't matter," I smiled. "Seriously, Jamie, it's just one test. I was distracted. Besides, my brother will explain it in a way that makes sense."

"Fine," he laughed. "Are you sticking around? Blake's coming to practice tonight, right?"

"Apparently," I sighed. "I didn't realize he was really going for it this year. He never talks about it."

"That's because he cares about you too much," Jamie said sincerely. "C'mon, stick around?"

"I promised Peyton I'd come down to the studio," I sighed. "I'll see you guys at home?"

"Yeah. Mom said she wanted us to have another big family dinner tonight. Something about having something important to tell us all," he shrugged.

"Oh god, she's not pregnant again, is she?" I yelped.

"I hope not!" Jamie cried, his eyes widening. "Catch ya later, L. Scott," he called. It was a Davis thing. I think we all ended up slipping into Brooke's mannerism once in a while. I smiled and turned on my heel, smacking face first into Julie, one of the coldest, cruelest girls in Tree Hill.

"Oh, if it isn't little orphan Annie," she cackled, her flock of cheer-zombies laughing cruelly. I felt my heart skip a beat at her cruel words. "Little crippled freak!"

"Rather be a freak than a zombie!" I snarled, my hands balling into fists.

"Oh, really?" she snarled. "At least my mom isn't dead and my daddy isn't a town horror story!"

"Get out of my way, Goldstine," I growled. God, I hated Julie Goldstine more than anyone else.

"What're you gonna do about it, freak? You can't even walk up a flight of stairs by yourself!" she teased.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way!" I shouted, pushing her back. She cackled louder before her and her flock of zombies circled me.

"Oh, want to play it tough, huh little Scott?" she teased. "Funny, your daddy did the same thing, way back when, didn't he? Isn't that why his own brother killed him?"

"Shut up," I breathed. "Shut up!"

"Little Lily, all alone in the world. Mommy died right in front of her eyes. Mommy left her all alone to die!" the girl taunted. My heart dropped. Her words were like knives stabbing me in the chest.

"Let's see how fast you run without your leg!" one of the girls snarled, kicking at my right leg with all her strength. I hissed, pain flying up my thigh as the hard metal leg fell away, the strap cutting into my flesh as it came undone. I fell onto the cold tiled floor, my face hitting the floor with a soft thud.

"Bet she can't even get back up!" another girl laughed, kicking my left knee with so much force, I was certain she bent the screw. I cried out, tears flowing down my face.

"What the hell is going…Lily!" the familiar voice of my big brother echoed down the hall. I heard the girls scatter, but didn't have the will to look up.

"Oh, Lily, what have they done to you?" Lucas's tender voice cried. I looked up at him with teary eyes.

"I just want to go home," I whispered. He nodded and helped me strap my leg back on before scooping me up in his arms. I didn't care that it was embarrassing to be carried out of your school by your big brother. Right then, all I cared about was getting home.

* * *

"Lily, please, let me in," Jamie begged from the other side of my door. I turned my music up even louder, drowning out his pointless cries.

"Go away Jamie," I shouted. I closed my eyes as my favorite song blared over the stereo. It was a song by Mia Catalano. It had been the song she sung at Lucas and Peyton's wedding reception.

"Most days  
I try my best to put on a brave face  
But inside  
My bones are cold and my heart breaks  
But all the while  
Somethings keeping me safe  
And alive"

"Open the door, Lily," a new voice demanded. I turned my music down just enough to figure out who the voice belonged to. "Please Lily."

It was Nathan. Of all the people who have been there to help me through the last two years, with the exception to Blake and Raven, Nathan had had the biggest impact on my recovery.

"What do you think, Rave?" I asked the dog. She whined and looked up at me with big, sad eyes. She jumped off the bed and went to the door, barking softly.

"Okay," I whispered. I reached for my crutches and took my time getting to the door. I turned the lock and let Raven pull the door open, using one of the old towels Luke had tied to it as a grasp. I was back on my bed before Nathan could cross the threshold.

"Lucas told me what happened," he said gently as he closed the door behind him. He crossed the room and sat down on my bed, careful to give me enough room to stretch my leg out. "Girls can be mean sometimes."

"I'm fifteen, not five," I reminded him.

"I know that," he said softly. "But that doesn't change the fact that girls are catty and cruel. Lily, you're so much better than those girls. Don't you dare forget that."

"They're right though," I whispered as fresh tears fell from my eyes. "I am an orphan. My parents are dead. My mom _did_ die right next to me. I am crippled. I always will be."

"You're not crippled," Nathan said sweetly, a smile flashing on his face. "Cripples can't run."

"Shut up," I groaned. He pulled me in for a hug, his warm body providing comfort against the pain, both physical and emotional, that was filling my body.

"You know, Lily, you've got a huge support system waiting for you to let them help," he said softly.

"Like you let them help after your accident?" I said. My tone was harsher than I intended.

"That was different," Nathan said, tolerating my bitter tone.

"How so?"

"I was older," he tried.

"Eh, so what? You were injured. Just like me. The odds were stacked against you. But you overcame it anyway, right?" I said, a sad smile playing on my lips.

"That's right. I overcame it, and so will you, Lily. You just have to let people in," he said softly. "Now, Jamie wants to see you and so does Blake. Can they come in?"

"No," I said, my tone even harsher than before. "I just want to be left alone. I've been embarrassed enough for one day."

"No one is going to embarrass you, Lily. Blake and Jamie love you. You know that," he repeated. "Remember that, okay?"

"Okay," I sighed, breaking the hug. "Is Haley still planning that dinner tonight?"

"Yeah," he chuckled. "So pull yourself together."

"Fine," I nodded.

"Bring Raven with you. I know Lydia can't wait to see her," he added. "Besides, you always seem happier when she's around."

"She's my lifeline," I sighed, rubbing the dog's head. "You know, Luke never did tell me how I ended up with a golden retriever puppy," I said, arching my eyebrow.

"Haley picked her up off the street, actually. She was a stray. She wanted to keep her, but you know how it is, what with me on the road all the time back then," he laughed. "So when Luke said you needed a friend, Blake suggested getting you a dog, and you know the rest."

"Huh," I laughed. "So her name is fitting."

"How'd you pick it anyway?"

"My big brother played for the Ravens. So did my dad. Of course I'd name her after the best high school team," I smiled.

"That'a girl. Now c'mon, Haley's probably going crazy," he laughed.

"I'll be down in a few minutes," I nodded.

Nathan sighed and left me alone, closing my door behind him. I laid back on the pillows, Raven's head on my chest. I turned my stereo back on and smiled as Sweet Silver Lining picked up where it left off, having been playing on repeat since Luke brought me home.

"But so many people are looking to me  
To be strong and to fight  
But I'm just surviving  
I may be weak but I'm never defeated  
And I'll keep believing  
In clouds with that sweet silver lining

Most days  
I try my best to put on a brave face  
But inside  
My bones are cold and my heart breaks  
But all the while  
Somethings keeping me safe  
And alive"

"But so many people are looking to me  
To be strong and to fight  
But I'm just surviving  
I may be weak but I'm never defeated  
And I'll keep believing  
In clouds with that sweet silver lining," I whispered. I rolled over and pulled the box from under my bed. It had been Peyton's idea. She'd made a similar box for Sawyer back before she was born, just in case.

I pulled out the old photographs, the little letters, the love note from my dad to my mom, and lastly, the small scarf my mother had been wearing the night she died. I hugged the scarf tight, breathing in my mother's scent that was still deeply embedded on the worn, stained fabric.

"Mom," I whispered. "I miss you. More than you'll ever know."


	5. I have to try

It took me a long time to finally make my way out of my bedroom, down the stairs, into the living room where my family was waiting. Jamie jumped up from the couch the second I entered the room, his face a mixture of concern and anger. I put my hands up in defeat, forcing a smile to rise to my lips, even though inside I was crying.

"I'm fine, Jamie," I promised.

"But-," I wasn't about to let him blame himself.

"Really Jamie, I'm fine," I assured him. "Don't we have a dinner to get to?" I looked around the room. Lucas sighed and stood, motioning for Peyton to follow him. I sighed under my breath and clipped Raven's leash to her harness. She waited patiently at my side, as she always did, while I maneuvered my way around the couch, my crutches making the soft, thud, thud against the carpeted floor.

"I love you, you know that?" Blake whispered in my ear, his hand finding mine. "Always and forever."

"You're quoting Haley again," I smiled up at him. He gave me a goofy grin before leaning down to kiss me. It was sweet and only lasted a moment, but it reminded me of just how lucky I was. Not only to be loved, but to be alive.

* * *

Dinner was nothing special, just a big family get together. It always amazed me how willing Haley was to open her home to our extended family, despite everything that had changed over the years. It was late in the evening when Blake and I finally slipped away.

"Where do you want to go, Lily?" he asked me, his eyes glassy with tears as he saw me struggle to keep my balance as we walked along the crooked sidewalk.

"How about the River Court?" I asked. I looked up at him with hopeful eyes. "Please."

"Sure, anything you want, sweetheart," he nodded. "Want me to see if Luke'll let us use the car?"

"I want to walk," I said stubbornly.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his face full of concern. "Aren't you sore?"

"I'm always sore, Blake," I smiled. "But you know, Nate and me had a really good talk before we left," I said softly. "He put things into perspective for me."

"Really?" he asked, his face brightening. "What'd he say?"

"It's not really what he said, but how he said it," I smiled. "Now c'mon, there's a court with our names on it."

"Should we see if Jamie wants to come?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder.

"Sure," I nodded. "I don't see why not. I'll take a shot to beat Jamie at his own game any day!" I laughed.

"You continue to amaze me, you know that?" he smiled as he hurried back into the house to get Jamie.

Before we knew it, all the Scott and Baker kids were running out of the house, their parents close behind, smiles plastered on their faces.

"What did you do?" I laughed when Blake came up beside me, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"Told Jamie you wanted to show him up on the River Court," he laughed. "So your brother said might as well make a thing of it."

"Makes me think of how mom was talking about you and Nate going at it when you first joined the Ravens," I laughed. "Except me and Jamie don't hate each other."

"Or have anything to prove," Jamie chimed in, a huge grin on his face. "What do ya say, ready to see whose better?"

"Guys verses girls!" Sawyer sang merrily. I laughed. Of course it'd become a whole family involved game.

"It's a shame Mouth isn't here," I laughed, hugging Blake before leading the way to the River Court. I didn't care that it was a bit of a walk. It was amazing, having the entire family there, together, on a beautiful September night.

We reached the court in no time at all. It was refreshing, pure. I remembered the first time Lucas brought me here, seven years ago, when he and Peyton were visiting Nathan while Sawyer stayed with our mom. That night had been magical on so many levels.

"I think the guys have an advantage over us," Sawyer laughed.

"I'm gimpy, I vote we automatically get Lucas," I offered.

"No way!" Jude exclaimed. "We need Luke!"

"Not with Nate and Jamie on your team, little man," I laughed. "I get my big brother, and in return, you can have…." I looked around at the girls. "Lydia and….Brooke!"

"Hey!" Brooke cried. "Why me?"

"Because Haley's not playing," I teased. "Otherwise I'd happily trade her."

"Hey!" she cried, throwing me a playfully dirty look.

"Oh c'mon, Peyton's the only one of you cheerleaders who can throw a ball relatively straight!" I teased.

"She's right, Hales," Nate laughed. I smiled at my sister in law, before nodding at Keith and Mikey. "You two be good, okay? I don't want to have to tickle you guys!"

Keith beamed at me. For the millionth time, I wondered if Lucas saw my dad in the little boy. I figured he probably did, hence the namesake.

"They have us outnumbered, Lily," Sawyer pointed out. She was right. It was me, Lucas, Sawyer, and Peyton against Nathan, Jude, Davis, Julian, Brooke, Lydia, Jamie and Blake.

"She's right," Luke piped up. "Blake, you're with us."

"Fair enough," Nathan nodded. "Game on?"

"First team to 12 wins," I chirped. "But no one gets to push the kids or me, fair?" I added for the sake of the little ones. Jude, Davis, Lydia and Sawyer were still too little to be knocked around and as I so gracefully put it earlier, I was gimpy. They couldn't get rough with any of us. Especially not Lydia, who was just barely six.

"Fair enough," the older players agreed.

"Ready?" Blake asked. We had this silent agreement that we'd stick together.

The game was soon underway, everyone scattering. Naturally, the younger kids soon grew bored and wandered off to play on the playground, while Julian and Brooke supervised. That left Nathan, Jamie, Luke, Peyton, Blake and me all stuck shifting teams.

"Lily! Show me that routine you used to do with your gymnastics team!" Sawyer's eager voice stopped me mid-throw. I let the ball fall to my feet, turning almost too quickly to face the little girl.

"What?" I asked, breathless. I was achy, but I wasn't going to let anyone know it. This had been the best night in a long time.

"The one grandma used to have a tape of," she explained. "You were wearing a blue skirt."

"The Ravens," I whispered, remembering the routine. It required so many tumbles and flips. A beautiful pairing of classic gymnastics, cheerleading, and modern dance. "Sawyer, I can't bend like that anymore."

"Three months ago you couldn't run or play basketball. You can do anything, Lily, anything you put your mind to," the young girl said.

"Sawyer," Lucas's stern, fatherly tone warned.

"She's right," I nodded, moving onto the grass. "But I need Jamie's help," I shot a hopeful look at my best friend.

"And Blake's," Jamie nodded. He knew I was determined. "And we stop if it hurts."

"Or if I pop a screw or rod or plate," I nodded with a smile.

"Lily," Lucas's voice was dripping with concern.

"Lucas, I want to try," I whispered, my tone begging. "Please."

"I don't know," he said, scratching the back of his head like he always did when he was caught between a rock and a hard place.

"C'mon Luke, let the girl try," Brooke spoke up. "We all have her doctors on speed dial if something goes wrong."

"Besides, look at me, Luke," Nathan spoke up. "I wasn't supposed to walk again. Now I'm in the NBA."

"Please, Lucas," I begged. "Remember what mom told you after you found out you had HCM? She didn't want you to play basketball, but she let you, because she knew how much it meant to you," I said softly. My mother once told me about it, years ago, after I begged her left and right to let me take gymnastics, despite the risks. She agreed, only after reminding herself of Lucas's situation.

"Okay," he finally nodded. I grinned at him, my heart doing flips. I was sore. I was stiff. There was no way I could pivot like I used to. No way I could tumble and twist and bend and flip. There was no way I could pull myself into the moves I once did. But damn it, I was going to try. For Sawyer. For myself. I had to. I owed myself that much. I had to try.

"This one's for you, mom," I whispered as I tied my hair into a tight pony, the dark blonde curls knotting as soon as I did. "Because you never gave up on me."

I took a deep breath and despite the fact I wasn't one hundred percent confident, I readied myself for the beginning of the routine. A tumble, followed by a hand spring leading into a back flip before being followed up by a double cartwheel, tumble mix. Somehow, I knew I could do it. Deep down, I knew I could. Blake and Jamie readied themselves, acting as my center of gravity and guiding my legs, since I was lacking my natural, normal balance. They'd helped me when I was younger, since I was always a little off, and now, they helped me because they knew I needed it. I needed strong hands and gentle guidance. In more ways than one.

* * *

**A/n - keep in mind, I know absolutely nothing about gymnastics. :D Anywho...**


	6. And They All Came Tumbling Down

I felt Blake rest his hands on my waist, anchoring me to the ground, his other hand on the small of my back, right where the plate was secured. I knew bending could bend the plate, but I wanted to do this. Sawyer used to love watching me practice.

I took a deep breath and shot a look at Jamie. He was the one stuck guiding my legs. If he screwed up, I'd not only land on my ass, but risk popping something out.

"Ready?" Blake whispered in my ear. I nodded once before starting the routine. It started easy. The movements were still as graceful and easy as they were before the accident, until I had to do a backbend. The second I leaned back, I regretted the decision. I hissed softly as pain rippled up my spine. I put all my trust in best friend and my boyfriend as they guided my body into the liquid movement. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I had to close my eyes against the pain attacking my back. I bit back a yelp as I pulled away from Blake, moving into the cartwheels with ease. Even without a leg, it wasn't difficult to land a perfect flip. I just put all my weight on my real leg.

It wasn't until the very last move that I realized I could do it. It was a tumble I wasn't sure I could do. I knew it involved a lot of back and I knew it would be painful, but as the wind whipped at my face and I tucked my knees, I knew. I knew my parents were watching out for me from up above as I rolled, springing to my feet as I'd done so many times before the accident. Landing the move, I turned and faced Sawyer, who was looking at me with a huge smile on her face.

"Told you, you could do it," she said brightly.

"Yeah, you did," I nodded, smiling proudly. Lucas had me in his arms before I could blink, tears rolling down his face as he embraced me tightly.

"I'm okay, Luke," I said, hugging him back with all my strength. "I did it."

"I'm so proud of you, baby sis," he whispered as he hugged me even tighter. Before long, the entire family was wrapped in a hug, tears of joy falling from the eyes of the people who had loved and supported me through all these hardships. Blake kissed me passionately, his hands on either side of my face. Jamie hugged me tight, a smile brightly lighting up his face. Brooke gave me a teary hug, followed by Haley who beamed like a proud older sister. Sawyer embraced me, along with Jude, Davis and Lydia. Keith giggled happily, excited by all the hugs.

I smiled proudly. Not only had I proven to myself, but to my family, that I was still the old me. Even if only in my finest moments.

* * *

It was late and I should have probably been at home, instead of snuggled up beside Blake, our clothes covering his bedroom floor, the door locked from the inside. I was wrapped in his arms, slick with sweat. It had been a magical night in so many ways, but in that moment, it had been everything I'd ever hoped for and then some.

I smiled to myself as I remembered the conversation we had on the way to his house. He had pulled his car over to the side of the road before pulling out a journal he often wrote in. He used to tell me it was where he put all his best lines, but I knew better.

"Lillian Roe Scott. She's many things, but most of all, she's fearless. She's brave and determined, stubborn and silly, sweet and pure. Lillian Roe Scott is going to change the world one day, as soon as she admits to herself that it's okay to be a little broken. Because isn't that the point? Aren't we all a little broken here?" he read. I smiled and took his hand in mine. He kissed my knuckles and continued.

"Many seem to think she lives in her brother's shadow. That Lucas Scott is better or more important than she is. But he's not. And he never will be. Not to me, anyway. Lily Scott, however, is everything and anything she sets her mind to. An author, like her big brother. A gymnast. A basketball player. She's everything she wants to be and more. Lily Scott is unique. She's one of a kind. She's exceptional."

Somehow, him reading from his stupid notebook ended with us in bed together. As silly as it sounds, it made the night all the more perfect.

It wasn't the first time we'd made love. I'd lost my virginity to him on my thirteenth birthday. My decision, not his. But that night, it had been so sweet, so gentle and meaningful, it made all the nights before seem so petty and childish in comparison.

"You're beautiful, Lily Scott," he hummed, burying his face into my collarbone.

"You're perfect," I whispered. I smiled to myself, completely comfortable laying there naked beside the guy I loved.

We both groaned in unison moments later when my phone vibrated for the millionth time. We'd done everything in our power to ignore the irritating sound.

"Who the hell texts you this much other than me or Mel?" he asked.

"A very pissed off big brother?" I asked, rolling over to retrieve my phone, along with my clothes. I looked at the screen, my forehead crinkling up.

"What's wrong?" he asked, putting his pants on as quickly as I was. I was fully dressed in no time, a fete that normally took me a lot longer.

"Jamie sent a 911," I said softly.

"You only used 911s when…" Blake's eyes widened.

"When something's wrong at home. Even if Lucas is pissed I'm not home, there's no way Jamie would send a 911 over something like a possible punishment for breaking curfew. Besides, Peyton doesn't let Lucas go all fatherly on me like that," I whispered. "We need to go. Now," I added, dialing Jamie's number.

He picked up on the first ring.

"Don't freak, okay?" he said quickly. "Promise me you won't freak out."

"James Lucas Scott, you better have a damn good reason to send a 911 tonight!" I practically shouted.

"It's Luke, Lily," he said, his voice catching in his throat.

My knee gave out. I collapsed on Blake's thickly carpeted floor, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Jamie…" my voice barely made a sound.

"It's his heart."


	7. Don't Die On Me

I've never felt my heart drop so fast in my entire life. Even before Blake could react, I was out the door, nearly ripping his car door off the hinges just to get inside. I barely contained myself enough to wait for him to get in the car, his keys missing the ignition a number of times before finally, the car kicked over.

I don't think Blake stopped once between his house and the hospital. I think we broke every traffic law ever made. But neither of us cared. Blake saw it in my eyes, just how terrified I was. We both knew that Lucas's heart was a constant concern in my family. He suffered from HCM, just like his father, my uncle, and it terrified me to think that right then, after such an amazing, carefree night, I could lose the last person I truly cared about.

"Drive faster!" I hissed, my hands wringing at the coat I never bothered to put on.

"Lily, we're almost there," Blake breathed. He didn't dare take his eyes off the road. We made it to the hospital in exactly five minutes flat. A ride that would have normally taken at least a half hour. I was out of the car before it fully stopped. I almost forgot I didn't have two legs when I nearly fell on my face due to my haste. Blake was at my side a second later, his arm snaking around my waist as we ran into the emergency room, where we were met by Jamie's terrified face.

"James," I said, using his birth name. It was rare for Jamie to ever be addressed as such. I saw his eyes spark for just a moment before he nodded for us to follow him. In the waiting room, we got the first look at our entire family crowded in a small corner of the room. Peyton was sobbing into Brooke's shoulder. Sawyer looked like she'd seen a ghost. Nathan and Haley were locked in each other's embrace.

"How…how bad is it?" I asked, addressing anyone who had the composure to answer.

"He had a heart attack, Lily," Haley said, wrapping her arms around herself. "We…we don't know anything other than that."

"He was fine earlier," I whispered. The room suddenly seemed too small. I caught Jamie and Blake share a look before Blake led me away from my family, back into the parking lot, where he offered me a cigarette. We rarely smoked. It was something we picked up in the early months of my recovery. We only kept cigarettes on hand for the really, really bad moments. This was one of those moments.

"How…why does this always happen?" I asked Blake. He shook his head. He had no answers this time.

"You know what's the fucked up part?" I asked him. "The day my mom died, we were coming home from a kick ass concert. You know that? It was an amazing night, then bam, she was gone."

"I know, Lily," Blake said softly, his arms wrapping around my shoulders. "But that's not going to happen tonight. Luke's strong, he'll pull through this."

"And if he doesn't?" I asked. Blake fell silent. There was nothing he could say to make me feel better at that point. My big brother was lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life.

"This is all your fault!" I snapped out of nowhere.

"What?" Blake blinked, taken aback by my outburst.

"If you hadn't suggested basketball with the family, we wouldn't be here right now!"

"Lily, you know that's not true," he said carefully. "You know that's not how this works."

I punched his chest angrily, taking all my anger and frustration out on him. He let me. It wasn't the first time I exploded on him like that. He let me get it all out, waiting for the crying to start. And boy, it did. I broke down, completely bawling my eyes out, my heart aching for my brother. I cried for what seemed like a lifetime, before finally gathering my courage to return to the waiting room.

"The doctor said immediate family can go see him," Haley informed me the second I was in the room. "Nathan's with him right now."

"Do we…any updates?" I asked, trying my hardest not to start crying again.

"Not really," she said sadly. "They're trying to figure out who he has listed as his next to kin."

"You'd think it was Peyton," Blake muttered.

"Not really," I said, looking up at Blake. "Before mom died, he and I both had her listed as our next to kin. I had my paperwork changed after she died. I don't know who he put as his. I know he's mine."

We all glanced up when Nathan walked into the room. His face was pale, his eyes red. He looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"How is he?" I asked, my heart racing.

"Not good, short stalk," he sighed. He sat down heavily beside Haley, who wrapped her arm around her husband's shoulders.

"I'll see you soon," I said to Blake as I followed the nurse down the long, quiet hallway. When we turned into my brother's room, my heart sank to the floor. He was hooked to all sorts of machines. The steady 'beep, beep' of the heart monitor the only real telltale that my brother was alive.

"The doctor will be in shortly to discuss our next move," the nurse informed me.

"Why me?" I asked, giving her a strange look.

"Don't you know? You are Lily Scott, right?" she questioned.

"Yes?" I was confused.

"You're listed as his next to kin."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. Why in the world would Luke list me as his next to kin? I was barely fifteen. I wasn't old enough or strong enough to make life or death decisions for him. Was he out of his mind? Why didn't he list Nathan? By all means, Nathan was his next to kin, not me.

I sat down heavily in the chair beside his bed, my fingers lacing themselves into his. I felt tears welling in my eyes, but I forced myself to keep them at bay.

"Lucas Eugene Scott, you better open your eyes this instant, you brooding, brilliant brother of mine," I said, putting as much force into my words as possible. "You're not allowed to give up, you hear me? You're not. You have a little girl who needs her father, a son who needs you more than you'll ever know, a wife who will be lost without you. Shoot, Luke, I'll be lost without you. Don't you dare give up!" I said, tears finally falling from my eyes. "You promised you'd always be there when I needed you. Well, Luke, I need you," I whispered. I kissed his hand, chocking back the sobs. "I need you Lucas!"

"Lily Scott?" a deep voice called. I looked up to see a man in his mid-forties, dressed in a white lab coat standing in the doorway. "May I?"

I nodded, forcing myself to get a grip. I listened as the doctor droned on about a possible surgery, putting him on the transplant list, how we were lucky to have caught it in time. He continued to rattle off big words that had no meaning to me, told me that the outcome looked good, as long as we chose the right course of treatment. He suggested open heart surgery to correct the damage done by the heart attack. I bit back a sob, unable to tell the doctor that I didn't know what to say. Instead, I managed to ask him if I could talk it over with his wife and brother. The doctor nodded and said he'd bring them in. I nodded and held onto my brother's hand for dear life. I didn't know what to do or what to think. This was Lucas we were talking about. This was my big brother. My invincible, super hero big brother. Yet here, in that hospital bed, he looked so fragile, so young. It broke my heart. I needed our mom more than ever, but she wasn't there. She couldn't be there to make the decisions that may or may not save her son.

When Nathan and Peyton came into the room, the doctor went over what he had just told me and waited patiently for us to discuss the situation. I told Nathan and Peyton that I couldn't make the decision alone. He was as important to me as he was to them. Together, we came to the decision to allow the doctor to do what he thought was the best course of treatment. We then spent a few silent moments with Luke before the nurse ushered us out of the room so that they could prep him for the surgery. I walked into the waiting, my eyes catching those of the family we had since learned to depend on. It was too much. It was way too much. I grabbed Blake's hand without a word to my family, dragging him with me as I hurried down the hall, through the huge double doors, out into the parking lot. Once at his car, I said one, simple thing.

"I need to talk to my parents."

He asked no questions. Just simply hit the gas and tore out of the parking lot. We only made one stop along the way and that was to pick up Raven, who had been pacing the house when we arrived. I think she sensed that something was wrong. She laid across my lap in the car the entire way to the cemetery. Once there, I asked Blake if I could have a few moments alone. He reluctantly agreed.

In silence, Raven and I weaved our way through the grave markers, until we reached the ones we were looking for. My mother and father were buried side by side, the flowers I'd left the week prior still there. I sank to my knees and begged them for a miracle. Begged them for guidance and support. And for the first time since the accident, I prayed. I prayed for a miracle. Because I couldn't lose anyone else. I couldn't take another blow. Another loss. Another funeral. No. That would be enough to push me over the edge.

* * *

**A/n - Revised this chapter a little bit. It was written well before the story itself (originally as a one shot) and I sort of forgot to fix a few things before publishing it. :) All squared away now!**


	8. Blessings and Godsends

Three weeks, five days, fourteen hours, twenty-seven minutes. That's how long it's been since the last time I got to hear my brother's voice. Three weeks, five days, fourteen hours, and twenty-seven minutes since I got to see him laughing, full of life. Three weeks, five days, fourteen hours and twenty-seven minutes since I knew everything would be okay.

The doctors couldn't explain it. They didn't understand why he hadn't woken up yet. We waited and waited, but there was no change. The bills were running higher and higher with every hour, yet we waited. We couldn't let go.

It was Haley who finally told me I couldn't risk missing anymore school. Nathan and Blake argued my case, but ultimately, Haley won. So on the third week, the fifth day, the fourteenth hour, the twenty-seventh minute, I was walking the halls of Tree Hill High, my shouldered hunched, tears rolling down my cheeks.

Blake walked me to class, silence becoming a common enemy. Neither of us knew what to say anymore. We were both losing home. Why hadn't Luke woken up yet?

In class, my friends and classmates asked how he was doing, and all I could do was shake my head. There was no update. There was no news. Lucas was still in a coma, his heart only beating because of the machines keeping him alive. It killed me to admit it, even to myself, but my brother was probably never going to wake up.

Mel and Jamie tried to cheer me up in math. They both tried hard to get me to crack a smile. But it wasn't happening and soon they realized that. Mel offered to sit with me after school, but I told her to go to practice instead. Jamie said he'd give me a ride to the hospital, and I accepted his offer, even though I knew I wouldn't follow through. Blake knew I was leaving after lunch. We'd established that on the way to school that morning.

As soon as the lunch bell tolled, I was out the front door, searching the parking lot for Blake's car. He met me at end of the parking lot, threw our bags into the back seat, and for the millionth time since Lucas's heart attack, tore out of the parking lot, not caring that we were missing an important exam in English.

As soon as we were at the hospital, I saw Haley walking towards us, tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I cried, running up to her as best I could.

"He…." She broke down, unable to control her sobs.

"No," I whispered. I pushed past her, running full speed through the hospital, not caring when orderlies and doctors and nurses tried to stop me. I skidded to a stop in front of his hospital room, the tears in my eyes finally falling when I saw his blue eyes for the first time in nearly a month. He was sitting up, a tired grin on his face.

"Hey baby sister," he said, his voice hoarse from not being used. I leaned heavily against the doorframe, unable to find words to express how happy I was. The next thing I knew, I was throwing myself into his arms, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Never, ever, ever do that again!" I scolded him, my voice a mix of tears and joy. "I mean it!"

"Deal," he chuckled.

"Welcome back, bro," Nathan said, stepping into the room. Before long, the entire family was gathered in Lucas's hospital room. The mood had changed dramatically after that. Now the tears were happy ones, not the sad, scared ones they'd been for the last three weeks.

* * *

It took nearly six months for Lucas to fully recover, all of which our family spent together, growing closer than ever imagined. By the time freshman year was coming to an end, I had learned enough to know that I was blessed, despite everything life threw at me. Blake and I were closer than ever, the kids had matured a lot, and summer plans were already in the works.

It was a late, Saturday morning in May when Blake woke me up, kissing me gently on the cheek like he did most mornings. Lucas no longer upheld the no boys in my bedroom rule, since he knew Blake and I were going to break it anyway.

"Do you know what today is?" he asked me, pulling a dozen pink lilies out from behind his back.

"Our anniversary," I said brightly. I sat up and kissed him again. "Happy anniversary, Blake," I sang.

"Happy anniversary, Lily," he said. We shared a few moments of absolute bliss before Raven managed to push her way between us. We laughed as she licked my chin.

"Okay, okay, I'm up," I laughed. I rolled off the bed, practically tripping over our clothes as I made my way to the bathroom. I took off my leg, bracing myself against the wall as I quickly showered and changed into my favorite jeans and an old band t-shirt, courtesy of Peyton. I let my curls fall down my back, not caring that they'd be a tangled mess by noon. I fastened the clasp to the beautiful gold locket my mother had given me when I was six, a sad smile playing on my lips as it reflected the sunlight. I slipped on the promise ring Blake had given me last year for our anniversary and finally, I was ready to tackle the world.

Blake was sitting on my bed, my old photo album sprawled across the blankets. Raven was on the floor, her tail thumping against the side of my beanbag chair.

"Hey you," I said, smiling as I kissed Blake's cheek.

"I can't believe it's been three years," he murmured, pointing at the photograph my mother took when we first started dating. It felt surreal that she had been there for the awkward, not really dating, yet dating phase, but not here to witness what Blake and I had become.

"I know," I sighed, flipping through the pages. "Look, my mom took this one when Luke was ready to beat your ass for making me cry," I laughed. The look on Luke's face was priceless. Here he was, a grown man, ready to rip a little 13 year old to shreds for making his little sister cry.

"I remember that," he chuckled. "Hey, what do you want to do today?" he asked, tucking the photo album back on the shelf.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I don't want to go too far though, you know," I motioned towards the door. Since Luke's heart attack, I'd been making more of an effort to stick close to home.

"How about we go down to the beach house? That isn't too far and I'm sure Nathan won't mind," he said softly.

"I don't know. Last time we went to the beach house was…," I let it trail off. He and I both knew when the last time we went to the beach house was. It was just weeks before my mother died.

"Fine, how about Tric? Maybe Chase will have an idea for us," he chuckled.

"Okay, but let me see if Peyton wants me to watch the kids today," I said quickly.

"Aw c'mon Lily, no babysitting today, please," he begged.

"Blake," I warned. He groaned and flopped back down on my bed while I hurried down the hall, only to find that Sawyer's bedroom was empty, as was Keith's.

"Hey Peyton?" I called from the top of the stairs. Raven came to my side and let me lean on her slightly as we walked down the stairs. "Lucas?"

"Shh," Luke shushed, ushering for me to follow him as soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs. I followed him into the living room, to find Peyton on the couch, Keith in her lap, Sawyer curled into her side, the three watching the stack of home videos from the last 30 some years. They dated as far back as right before Luke was born and ended with the Raven's most recent victory against a rivaling school.

"Precious," I whispered. I wanted to capture the moment and treasure it forever. It was just like how mom and I used to watch the home videos when we were traveling the world with Andy.

"Did you need something?" he asked.

"Do you guys need me to take the kids for a while today?" I asked sheepishly.

"No, we're planning a nice, relaxing day at home. Why?" he asked, eyeing me carefully.

"Well it's mine and Blake's three year anniversary…" I said carefully, not wanting to upset my brother's fragile heart. "I was wondering if it'd be okay if we got away for a while? I can stay around the house if you need me to, it's not a problem," I hurried.

"Lily, you've been a godsend these last few months," Lucas said softly. "Go. Go enjoy being young, for a change."

"Are you sure?" I asked him. I didn't want to…no. I refused to think like that.

"I'm sure. Just don't stay out too late," he said softly. He hugged me tight before giving me a gentle shove. "Now go have fun, you silly little flower you," he chuckled, using the same little phrase mom used to.

"You know, mom would be real proud of the man you've become," I reminded him for the millionth time.

"And she'd be proud of you too, Lily," he smiled. I returned the smile before making my way back upstairs, to find Blake half asleep on my bed. I chuckled to myself before telling Raven to wake him up. He wasn't pleased, to say the least, to find an oversized puppy jumping on his chest.

"I'd do it myself, but you know, gimpy over here," I laughed. He threw a pillow at me, laughing right along with me.

That was what I'd been missing all those months. The careless, free spirit of being a young, high school student. I couldn't wait to see what the day had in store. I knew, with Blake, anything was possible.


	9. I do

We ended up at the beach house anyway. Nathan had practically insisted we take a day to ourselves for a change. He even offered to spot up a few bucks so we could do something special, which was so unlike Nathan, it wasn't even funny. Nathan was normally the one warning me to stay out of trouble. Probably because he'd gotten into a lot of trouble when he was in high school.

We were laid out on the beach, watching the sunset late that evening, our bodies pressed against each other, the cool spring breeze reminding us of everything that was good in life. We'd spent the majority of the day just window shopping and spending time at some of our favorite places.

I curled into Blake's lap, resting my head on his shoulder as the sun painted the sky in a crimson rainbow of colors.

"You want to know something?" he said, his husky voice as sweet as ever.

"What?" I asked, turning so I could look into his hazel eyes.

"These last few months really got me thinking," he said carefully. "They made me realize that I can't imagine my life without you and your family."

"I know," I smiled. "It's had me thinking a lot too."

"Oh?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"But I don't want to be the next Naley," I said quickly. "I want to wait and get married when the time is perfect and start a family when we're both old enough and mature enough to handle the responsibility."

"You get that from your mom," he chuckled.

"What?"

"The need to be responsible and make the right decisions," he sighed. "C'mon, I want to show you something," he said, pulling me to my feet. We slowly made our way inside. Blake put his hands over my eyes, gently leading me through the house that I almost knew like the back of my hand. When we came to a stop, he turned me, so I was facing him, his hazel eyes glowing in the dim light.

"You're everything I've ever hoped for and so much more," he whispered, his voice like velvet. "You're beautiful and funny and strong. You're fierce and kind and intelligent. You overcome great obstacles and never stop fighting. I love you, Lillian Roe Scott," he whispered. Then he did the one thing I never expected. He turned me, facing me towards the smaller of the bedrooms, where candles lit the room. The floor was littered with rose petals. The sweet smell of lavender and vanilla, my two favorite scents, filled the air. He slowly made his way in front of me, his eyes piercing into my own. Then he got on one knee, a smile playing on his lips he pulled a little black box out of his pocket.

"Lily Scott, marry me," he said softly. I felt my heart drop. I hadn't expected it. Not after the conversation we'd just had.

"Oh Blake," I whispered, tears of joy filling my eyes. I nodded, unable to speak. He slid the beautiful ring onto my finger, before kissing the back of my hand.

"I love you, Lily," he said sweetly. "We'll wait till after graduation to get married," he promised. "We'll enjoy all the simple pleasures of a long engagement."

"This ring looks familiar," I mused. I tried to figure out from where.

"Luke helped me pick it," he shrugged. "Do you like it?"

"I love it even more knowing that my brother was in on it," I laughed. "I love you Blake."

"Always and forever?" he chided.

"Till hell freezes over and pigs learn to fly," I laughed. He pulled me towards him before pulling us both down on the bed. I smiled and snuggled into his arms, wholeheartedly feeling whole for the first time since Luke's heart attack.

"Happy Anniversary," we said in unison. Blake blew out the candles before we came together in perfect harmony. Just like before, it was sweet and meaningful. It was a moment I would never forget. That entire night, that entire day, had been magical.

* * *

Summer quickly came and freshman year came to an end with no drama, for a change. I was eager to get the summer fun underway. Plus, I was now sixteen and legally old enough to work at what was once my mother's café, something I'd been longing to do ever since I was a little girl.

Despite everything, and despite Lucas's gentle warnings about responsibility and being mature, Blake and I kicked off the summer by going on a cross country road trip with nothing but one small bag each and Raven. We enjoyed the warm summer air, the scenery and all the fun of getting lost in every state we happened to venture into. It was a lovely start to what would ultimately be the first summer since my mother's death that I didn't spend loathing everyone and everything.

Or so I'd hoped.

* * *

**a/n-major writers block guyyyyys! Sorry! Merry Christmas! **


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